Fear affects both our brain and body, and it can disrupt our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning. Our children are no exception — despite our efforts to protect them, they are not immune to fear.
Maybe reading those words activates your fear response causing you to feel nauseous, your breathing changes and your heartbeat starts to go faster. Cortisol and adrenaline are being released as your body is activating your sympathetic nervous system (our stress response system) just when your intention was to simply read an encouraging article. It's no surprise that the Bible addresses fear so often. In fact, many English translations include around 365 verses on fear, which some interpret as providing one for each day of the year.
Fear affects both our brain and body, and it can disrupt our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning. Our children are no exception — despite our efforts to protect them, they are not immune to fear. In fact, because their brains are still developing, they may experience fear more intensely. Often, we try to reason with our children about their fears, but we forget that the body needs to calm down first. Until that happens, the mind struggles to process the fear effectively.
Bruce D. Perry, a well-known neuroscientist and child psychiatrist, suggests a “3 R” approach in his neurosequential model. First, we regulate. Because our prefrontal cortex will be able to think more clearly if our body is calm, one immediate way is to do intentional deep breathing. God's first gift to Adam was the breath of life. Breath remains a gift from God, playing a vital role in helping to regulate our nervous system. There are many creative ways to do intentional breathing along with other activities (such as singing loudly) that can help us to regulate. A quick online search will offer many ideas. Learning and practicing regulation is important for both us and our children, while also emphasizing the key role of co-regulation in this process.
Next, Dr. Perry suggests we relate. Children need to feel connected to us. This could be by our physical presence, giving a hug, verbally saying, “I’m right here.” We were not made to be in isolation even as adults. Speaking to a trusted person about our fears is important. Sharing our feelings and knowing that someone understands, or even relates, can be beneficial for both our minds and bodies. This connection can help reduce cortisol levels, which are linked to our stress response, promoting better regulation.
Once regulation and relating have occurred, we can move to the third R which is reason. It is in this state that children (and adults) are then able to reflect, learn, problem solve and build skills.
Mark 6 recounts the story of the disciples in a storm, filled with fear. In verse 50, Jesus appears and reassures them, saying, "It’s all right, I am here! Don’t be afraid," and then climbs into the boat with them. In this moment, Jesus helps them regulate their fear by offering reassurance, His presence, and comfort. Only after their fear was eased did the deeper lessons follow.
Ingrid Weiss Slikkers, LMSW-C&M, CCTP, CFTP, is an associate professor in the School of Social Work as well as executive director of the International Center for Trauma Education & Care at Andrews University.
